


The In between

by SkyrocketsInFlight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ghosts, I Don't Know Where This Is Going, lots of regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2018-11-11 12:49:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11148768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyrocketsInFlight/pseuds/SkyrocketsInFlight
Summary: a series of one-shots i have written that follow obi-wan during the in between time of ROTS and ANHprompts and ideas for later 'chapters' are always welcome as well as an type of criticism you feel I need





	1. The temple

“I have recalibrated the code warning all surviving all surviving jedi to stay away,” grim faced, Obi-wan closed up the terminal he was working on and turned away from the computer.

“For the clones, to discover the re-calibration, a long time it will take.”  
Yoda and Obi-wan walked back the way they had come, back towards the ruined halls of the temple that smelled of blaster fire and death. When they passed the next terminal Obi-Wan stopped.

“Wait. I have to know who did this.” Determination was set in his eyes.

Yoda’s ears drooped and his voice held an unknown emotion, “If into the security recordings you go, only pain will you find.”

Obi-Wan nodded, he knew the old master was right. He didn’t need to see the recordings to known who had caused the destruction of his home.

(The emotion was sadness)

He knew the pain certainty would bring him but he had to know. “I have to know the truth.”  
It took little time for Obi-Wan to find the tapes from the massacre, he was such a fool to even hope he was wrong no matter how small a hope it was.

Anakin was the one who wielded the saber that carved its way through these sacred halls. 

Obi-Wan felt as if he was all of a sudden drowning in grief and anger, “It can’t be... It can’t be.”

He couldn't breathe, couldn't scream, couldn't cry. His vision was filled with the sight of the boy he had raised bowing low to the Sith lord who had destroyed all that was once beautiful. He would remember his voice until his death; would always be forced to listen to Chancellor Palpatine-Lord Sidious- congratulate his new apprentice on murdering children.

“Lord Vader rise, bring peace to the Empire-” 

The video was cut off with a shaking touch. Obi-Wan’s voice trembled, “I can’t watch anymore.”  
He felt sick and dizzy, as if he had found himself in a mirror universe. He met Yoda’s eyes and found that his grief matched his own which would have been a comfort if not for Yoda’s next words.

“Destroy the Sith we must.”

Despite being in agreement with him, Obi-Wan found himself growing pale. “Send me to kill the Chancellor. I will not kill Anakin.” Even the thought of striking down the boy he had watched grow up, watched fall in love, threatened his already fragile composure.

“To fight this Lord Sidious, strong enough you are not.” Yoda’s eyes were knowing, as if they could see the pain this was causing him.

Was this how Qui-Gon felt when he was forced to face Xanatos? Like death would be preferable to combat against your own Padawan? 

“He is like my brother. I cannot do this.”

Tapping his claws impatiently against his glimmer staff despite his pained and earnest expression, “Twisted by the dark side, young Skywalker has become. The boy you trained, gone he is. Consumer by Darth Vader.”

In a last ditch effort to avoid his fate, Obi-Wan called out, “I do not know where the Emperor has sent him. I do not know where to look.”

Yoda wasn't fooled, “Use your feelings, Obi-Wan, and find him you will.”

Obi-Wan watched him leave, weaving around the still smoking bodies of younglings and clones alike. He knew how to find Anakin quickly but he wondered at the cost.

 


	2. Burning

Manipulation left a foul taste in his mouth. He had known that Padmé and Anakin were married and he knew that they were expecting a child. He was on his way to kill the father of her child and all he had said to her was “I’m so sorry” as if that could fix anything. Padmé was his friend and he had just used her for his own purposes, almost forcing her to search for Anakin herself.

Stowing away on her ship, he settled in for the flight, left to his own though and all the pain the silence brought.

Mustafar, a lava covered mining planet that was almost inhospitable. The symbolism of Padmé’s ship breaking through the dark clouds in a flash of silver light was not lost on him as he chuckled darkly. His smallest sliver of hope for Anakin returning to them was almost gone.  
He crept towards the end of the boarding ramp, staying in the shadows to avoid being seen. He could only hear a the faint sound of Padmé pleading with Anakin before the shouting began.

“I won’t lose you the way I lost my mother!” Anakin began pacing in front of Padmé. “I’ve become more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of, and I’ve done it for you! To protect you!”  
Padmé looked ready to fall to her knees. “Come away with me!” She pleaded trying to get him to hear her though the blood, her voice almost timid when faced with the image of what her husband had become. “Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can.”

Anakin motioned wildly with his hands, “Don't you see? We don't have to run away anymore. I have brought peace to the Republic.”  
As he saw her face grow shocked and angry he hastily added on, “I am more powerful than the Chancellor! I can overthrow him, and together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be!”

Padmé shook her head as if trying to rid herself of an unpleasant dream, “I don’t believe what I’m hearing. Obi-Wan was right. You’ve changed!”

“I don't want to hear any more about Obi-Wan,” his voice was venomous and low, “The Jedi turned against me. Don’t you turn against me!”

Obi-Wan stared at his former Padawan from within the shadows. What in the name of the Force is he talking about? What does he mean “The jeddi have turned against me”?

Padmé began to cry, not with gasping sobs but with a steady flow of tears that ran like rivers down her face. Her heartbreak colored the force, “I don’t know you anymore. Anakin, you're breaking my heart. You’re going down a path I can't follow.”

Obi-Wan found his heart breaking with every word the couple spoke. Anakin was quickly falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. Padmé could only watch on in horror. He could only watch on in horror.

Anakin looked down at Padmé, “Because of Obi-Wan.”

“Because of what you’ve done! What you plan to do!” Padmé cried out at him though her words fell on deaf ears. “Stop, stop now. Come back to me! I love you!”

Obi-Wan saw the look on Anakin’s face and decided that he had waited long enough. He feared for Padmé’s safety though he was the one to place her in this situation in the first place. He stepped into the light and felt his heart shatter a little more when Anakin’s face filled with rage at the sight of him.

“Liar!” Anakin screamed looking straight at Obi-Wan.

Padmé spun around and drew back slightly as if slapped. Her face colored with betrayal, “No.”  
“You're with him! You've betrayed me! You've brought him here to kill me!” Anakin stalked over to her and brought up his hand in a Force Choke.

As Obi-Wan stepped closer to the boy who became a man during the war and saw nothing of the child he knew. The blue eyes he had grown to love were a sickly yellow and his face was drawn and pale.

“Let her go Anakin!” He didn't even turn his head.

“Let her go.” Obi-Wan stalked forward filled with a terrible foreboding. One of us will not live to see the sun.

When Anakin released his wife she fell to the floor gasping for air before lying still.

“You turned her against me!” He shouted, his voice becoming ragged from the smoke in the air.

“You have done that yourself” Obi-Wan replied, letting his grief show through.

“You will not take her from me,” Anakin said, stalking back and forth like a caged animal. He shed his cloak and took his lightsaber in hand.

Dropping off his cloak as well, they exchanged vicious words, only circling each other until Anakin ignited his lightsaber.  
“Don't make me kill you,” Anakin growled. “If you're not with me, then you're my enemy.”

“I guess I am.” Obi-Wan ignited his saber, knowing that to wait any longer was to court death. “Only a Sith deals with absolutes. I will do what I must.”

And then they danced. Two Jedi of equal skill locked in combat, until Anakin leapt without thinking, believing, lost in his mind, that he could make the jump. With swift flick, Obi-Wan’s saber cut through skin and bone, cleaving off Anakin’s remaining limbs and watched him tumble down the hill side.

Obi-Wan turned off his lightsaber knowing that he was too much of a coward to kill the monster that writhed beneath him no matter how painful his screams were. Looking into Anakin's yellow eyes, Obi-Wan felt his remaining resolve crack.

“You were the Chosen One! You were supposed to destroy the Sith not join them. That you would bring balance to the force not leave it in darkness!”  
His voice was hoarse from breathing in the fumes from the planet. He turned away and walked up the hill to Anakin’s fallen lightsaber, picking it up and placing it next to his own.

Obi-Wan turned around to stare down at what his friend had become.  
Anakin threw his rage at him and shouted, “I hate you!” as he twisted in pain amongst the ashes.

Starting to cry, Obi-Wan shouted back. “You were my brother, Anakin.”  
It felt as if he was tearing out his heart by the roots. Everything he had known, everyone he had loved. They were all gone: dead, murdered, and betrayed.

“I loved you”

He watched as Anakin began to burn and turned away, leaving his soul behind him with the ashes and flames.


	3. Grief and the Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all the sadness

Snatching up Padmé’s still body, Obi-Wan fled the burning planet.  
He met Bail and Master Yoda at Polis Massa and was terrified when he found out that Palpatine stilled lived. The healers attempted to stabilize Padmé enough to save her child. Hope for Obi-Wan’s friends was lost for she too had left her soul behind on the burning planet.

“She’s dying,” He said to himself and shuddered as his voice came out cold and detached. Not 5 minutes later a medical droid came and brought him to her, “We will have to move quickly if we are to save her children.”

Padmé let out a weak gasp, “Twins.”

Obi-Wan’s vision was clouding over with tears as he forced a kind smile that ended up as more of a grimace, “You must live Padmé, for your children. They need you, they need their mother.”

She smiled at him, eyes glazing over as the medication hit her bloodstream, “They would not be safe even if I were to live.” She looked straight into his eyes, piercing despite the haziness of her gaze, “You always smile like you’re about to cry.”

He laughed a watery laugh, more choking sob than anything else, “It’s because I usually am lately,” he bent his head over hers and let his face crumple, “please don’t leave me alone like this. I can not carry on by myself, you're all I have left."

He stood up, running his fingers through his already wild hair and across his face, "The Jedi teach that attachments could lead to the dark side of the Force. But right now, I feel no darkness or want of evil. I only feel the emptiness resides in the places of my mind that have been ripped open by the deaths of those I cared about. If this is love I do not want it. Why would anyone ever want to feel such a terrible thing?”

Her answer is to pull him close to her and gently cup his face with trembling hands. Her smile was gentle and so, so sad. Her breathy whisper reached his ears, “because love is beautiful even when it tears you apart, and tonight, love is watching someone die,” and it shatters his world.

It’s not fair, This wasn't supposed to happen.

Despite the medication they gave her to numb the pain, she was too far gone for her body to process them. She felt everything.  
“Luke,” she gasped as she felt the first child be brought from within her. “Leia,” the children were carefully placed into Obi-Wan’s arms after they were cleaned.

He sat down next to the children’s dying mother, his dying friend, and tried to ease her passing.

“Obi-Wan.” her body shuddered, “There’s good in him still. I know there...is…”

Obi-Wan felt her spirit slip from her body and then there was nothing. He felt his body freeze up inside, rejecting the idea that she was gone. He stared into her blank eyes and felt nothing.

Nothing but grief and the cold.


	4. Tears and Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tears and silence:  
> Obi-wan made a grave marker for anakin and padme on tatooine next to his home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait for this sort of chapter  
> I thought this work was going to become a story but I don't have the energy for that at the moment  
> so it will just be a collection of pieces of a story

He looked like he had a hundred things to say but everytime he open his mouth nothing would come out but small shakey gasps for breath. Outside of the little hovel that existed within the desert wilds of tatooine, was a grave marker. It was for his friends, his family, his lovers, and his destroyers. So he stood in front of the marker and attempted to say something to the spirits that haunted him but no words escaped, not even a sound. It was doubtful he could make a sound if he tried, he voice so rough with disuse when it came to actual words and raw from screaming his pain to an uncaring force.

He had given up the illusion of no attachment.

His arms were wrapped around himself like if he squeezed hard enough, they would put back the pieces that were chipped off of him during the purges. His shoulders shook with silent sobbs that violently wracked his body as if he was receiving blows from an outside force. 

The tatooine breeze was hot and stifling and threatened to suffocate him with the sand his latent emotions were kicking up. Despite the heat of the desert, his face was wet with tears that spilled down his cheeks like rivers. Obi-wan looked as if he had not showered or slept for days and knowing him, he probably hadn’t. His robes were ripped, burned, and bloody. His brain was still feeling the aftershocks of the tear order 66 had ripped in the force.

Anakin and padme, his beautiful friends, his family, they were all taken from him and it was his fault. He wasn't strong enough, wasn't fast enough, wasn't good enough to keep them alive. 

If only he had been a better jedi, if only he had been a better friend.

If only, If only.


	5. Desperate grief

Hell isn't a place it's a state of mind. If hell was real then Obi-wan was exactly where he needed to be. He deserved this. It was his fault everyone wasn’t alive and now he was paying the price.

Nightmares, ghosts, and the sinking, gut wrenching feeling of regret all haunted his every moment. Out of those three things, he didn't know which was the worse to bear. The nightmares only trailed after him in sleep, while the ghosts only haunted him during the day.

As it was, he was currently unable to wake up from the most frequently occuring nightmare. It was him, as a ghost, trapped and unable to do anything as he watched as Anakin slaughtered those that here in the temple. 

There was no sound within this dream, only the screams that came from his own mouth, but he had his other senses to torture him. Obi-Wan could smell the burning flesh as it came into contact with blaster fire and lightsabers. He could taste the smoke in the air and, of course, he watched as children, the wounded, his friends, his family, was murdered by someone he loved.

The nightmare ended like it always did, Anakin turning towards him, yellow eyes fading to blue. He collapsing in front of him, appearing as he did that day on mustafar, and shouted, “You were supposed to stop me! You were supposed to save the day! You had everything you needed to bring me down! So why,” he choked as the lava climbed further up his mutilated body, “Why didn’t you? Why did you fail?”

Obi-Wan awoke, shooting forward in his bed with a broken cry, sobbing, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I tried but I wasn’t good enough!”

He crawled out of his sweat-soaked sheets and almost ran from his room, ignoring the blue-ish glow from the corner that looked at him with only sadness.

“Obi-Wan, is there anything I can do?”

The man in question was pacing around the main room of his house, back so straight it could snap. “Can’t you leave me be? For just one night Qui-Gon? Leave me to my recent reasons for grief, force knows I have enough to flood the whole of Tatooine without adding you and my padawan years to the mix.” 

A statement that was meant to sound snarky just made the man sound exhausted, “I can’t escape the memories no matter what I do! I can’t sleep without repeating every horror I’ve seen during that force damned war! I can’t go about my day without seeing you in the corner of my eye, dredging up things I haven't thought of for years.”

Qui-Gon could stare at his once stoic padawan begin to crack.

Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to control himself, “The answer to your previous question, Qui-Gon, is no. You can’t do anything to help me unless you want to leave, which would actually give me some form of reprieve.”

“Do you really want me to leave you? Truly?”

The confusion in Qui-Gon’s voice was the final straw for Obi-Wan. He threw the closest thing, which happened to be a vase, at the ghost. It shattered against the wall.

“I am so fucking tired Qui-Gon! Everything I worked towards my entire life has crumpled around me. Everyone around me is dead and there is nothing i can do that will bring them back. There is no good left in this galaxy-”

“What about the children?”

“The children? Luke and Leia are the products of the two people I loved most in this world. I’ll be damned if I bring them down into this darkness with me. No, Qui-Gon, I won’t touch those children if I can help it. Now get out of my house.”

“What?” Qui-Gon sounded shocked.

“I said get out,” Obi-Wan looked around for something else to throw at the shade, “Get out!” Glass shattered against the wall as everything within reach was thrown, Obi-Wan snarled, “Get out of my fucking house! Leave me alone!”

The ghost finally left as the last word Obi-Wan said hung in air that was thick with emotion.

He backed up and crashed into the wall behind him.

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was to just get things into the place where interesting things start. Worry not, not every chapter will be a complete copy of canon.


End file.
